I Spy a Douchebag

Ren said it best when he exclaimed “You Eediot!”

  1. That idiot that needs to get over but instead of getting at the end of the long line of cars purposely continues, hoping for a gap or taking advantage of the kindness of others, and invariably someone lets them in.
  2. The dumbass not using turn-signals, weaving from one lane to another, unphased by the fact that they are causing people behind them to have to slam on the breaks.
  3. When the checkout lines are long, it’s that cretin that takes the first spot when a new line opens up instead of letting at least one of the other people that have been waiting to go first.
  4. The jerk that parks in front of your house/blows leaves on your lawn/piles snow on your property/etc.
  5. That person on their cell phone that is blocking the aisle or lingering at the checkout. Pay attention!
  6. That heathen that is talking on their phone or texting while “attempting” to drive.  Driving should be your number one priority.  If you couldn’t multi-task before, then why would it change now??! And why are you in the fast lane??!
  7. The moron in the fast lane that is not passing anyone.  Possibly they are one their cell phone (which leads me back to #6), but when they are not it make one wonder “What are you thinking?” Light speed isn’t going to suddenly kick in… Get out of the lane!
  8. That asshat barreling down the aisles of the parking lot that either takes your parking space or almost plows you over…
  9. That doof that is in the drive –thru placing 5 separate orders, each with their own special instructions. Go inside!!
  10. The dingus in the restaurant/movie theater/bar that’s talking/talking too loud/talking about inappropriate things, acting as if they are at home in their living room…if only they would go back there and never come out again!

 Imagine… Imagine a world without these nincompoops… wouldn’t be great?!  It all boils down to everyone paying attention and being more considerate of those around them. What a wonderful world it would be… Happy happy, joy joy…

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“1” Is Not the Loneliest Number

And this doesn’t just apply to single people… read on…

I consider “1” to be an individual that is happy with themselves and has a good sense of self.  They truly know what they like/dislike, what their strengths/weaknesses are, and, probably most importantly, what they are willing to give of themselves while still retaining their identity, self-respect, and values.  More and more I encounter individuals who are currently at a value less than 1… They are singles, waiting for that significant other, or those that give far too much of themselves to their current relationships or a past relationship has left a hole, or both.  

Any way you dice it, not being a full “1” yourself is a disservice to yourself and those around you. If you are not in a relationship, this is the perfect opportunity to learn about yourself and do what YOU want to do. Relish in the fact that you don’t need to consult someone else regarding, meals, movies, TV, etc. This is not to say that being single is easy…it can be a bit lonely and frustrating and can take courage at times.  For those in a relationship, married or otherwise, not being all you can be makes you the weak link on the team.  A relationship really does involve teamwork, much like any group sport, and if everyone brings their “A game”, everyone will be the better for it.  If someone starts to lose their sense of self or identity, many times the other person must make up the slack.  One or both individuals may become resentful.  If for some reason the relationship ends, then it can be very difficult to recover if you’re not strong mentally and emotionally and were using that other person as a crutch of sorts.

So, whether single or in a relationship, be the best person you can be.  Enjoy who you are, and others will too.

~jr

To Tweet Or Not To Tweet…

 

Ah, Twitter… Clearly a social media phenomenon, it has taken a life of its own.  Who knew that the simple phrase “What’s happening?” (I miss Rerun) and 140 characters, give or take a few, would morph into the sensation it is today… (Well, Jack probably suspected, but that’s a whole other story…) From up-to-the-minute news reports, recipes, quotes, social commentary, pictures, weather, traffic, business promotions, to what others had for lunch, there is something for everyone.  While many individuals have an array of varied exclamations, proclamations, and questions presented for consideration, some repeatedly display rather annoying behavior.  I submit to you the Seven Deadly Sins of Twitter

1. You have nothing to say, but are compelled to tweet.

            If you were standing in a group, and had nothing to contribute, you simply wouldn’t speak, but your presence would still be acknowledged.  On Twitter, no one knows who is actually present unless they make themselves known. Some feel compelled to contribute and do so without contributing…perplexing.

 2.  It’s all me, me, me…with a side of me…

            Twitter can be a slice of nirvana for those with narcissistic tendencies.  While we all have times where we toot our own horn, and rightly so, when it is a constant bombardment of one’s greatness, it makes a person wonder who they are trying to convince…the masses or themselves? 

 3. You ReTweet everything.

            Personally, I think the ability to RT is a great feature.  I have gained valuable insight, had a good laugh, and have been introduced to some great individuals and businesses that I would have not otherwise considering the vastness of Twitterville.  Conversely I have been annihilated with the same tweet over and over again…one from the originator and another from the serial Retweeters, especially the ones that retweet the same tweet multiple times.  Retweeting in moderation is great, if you RT virtually everything an individual or businesses puts out there it’s just too much.  If I have been made aware of them and I want to follow, great… I don’t need to vicariously follow them via someone else.

 4. Option 1 or Option 2?

            We all need help with purchasing decisions from time-to-time…and I’ll admit I am one of those individuals.  I am amazed though that some consistently need such assistance.  Do you not have some real-life (RL) friends to assist with these matters?  Do you really trust whoever is available on Twitter at that given moment to lead you in the right direction?  With the economy in a state of turmoil, wouldn’t it be wise to impose Option 3, saving?

 5. You whine and complain often.

            We all have our moments where we are cranky/sad/depressed and need an outlet to vent and sometimes we choose to tweet it out. Constant doom and gloom can start to wear on others… one can only commiserate so much.  If you use Twitter has a band-aid from time-to-time, fine.  If the problems are deep-rooted and often present, then another avenue or venue needs to be employed…stat.

 6. You don’t read the tweets, and then ask questions.

            Some dialogue on Twitter can become rather lengthy and complex.  Instead of taking the time to read the exchange, some ask for a recap.  You know those people, whether a friend, roommate, or family member that appear after 45 minutes of a 1-hour show and asks “what is happening?”…  Yea, it’s like that…

 7. Ignoring your tweeps.

            Ok, so I “@” someone…no reply.  If this happens occasionally it’s no big deal – sometimes the sea of Twitter is wrought with Whales, apps are crashing, they could be working/eating/sleeping/getting busy, or simply have a dead battery or no Wi-Fi.  What I find perplexing is when I follow someone and they follow me but refuse to ever engage in conversation.  Why?  Why follow?  And even if you don’t follow a person that asks you a question/congratulates you on a new job or business venture/wishes you Happy Birthday/simply commiserates with you and feels your pain, it’s polite to acknowledge that they took the time to engage with you.  Isn’t that quite possibly one reason why you are on Twitter, to connect with others? And we can SEE you tweeting…

 

Remember, Twitter will not give you “a life”… you have to get it yourself.  Don’t become too consumed and forget that there is a whole world around you…the real world.  Go out and live…then tweet about it, and be kind to your fellow tweeps.  ;o)

Ways to Keep Reality from Slapping You in the Face

Let’s face it, some people “get it” while others consistently do not.  Reality is relative, fluid, impressionable… One person’s reality is different from another’s.  It is important to have a good sense of what reality is, realistically, but that can be challenging.  Before you resign to living in your own little world, here are some tips to help keep you grounded…

1. Look at things from multiple angles.

Even the simplest of scenarios/predicaments/situations is multifaceted.  Believe what your gut tells you, but it can be prudent to get a second opinion.   Taking a peak from another point-of-view may glean some additional insight.

2.  Ask for perspective from those you trust (but that will also be honest).

If you solicit opinions on a topic from a handful of close friends, even though perspectives can vary, there will likely be some similarities or commonalities.  Build from those little nuggets of truth.

 3. Pay attention people!

Clues are everywhere… They may be subtle, but never-the-less present and still significant.  Being able to pick-up on even the subtlest of clues will provide a more well rounded picture which could change your outlook.

 4. Be careful when you lie to yourself.

Sometimes reality can be cruel or unpleasant and, in order to preserve or psyche, we must cushion the blow.  We have all lied to ourselves at one time or another and just like polishing off a box of cookies in one sitting, we are completely aware but we go into a sort of “autopilot”.  It can be a slippery slope if you are unable to pull yourself back to the truth to deal with at a later (but not too much later) time.  When you keep repeating the lies over and over again and try to convince others, that’s when you know you’ve gone too far as those around you (unless being affected by the same predicament) can see what is really going on.

 5. Reassess from time-to-time.

Just because something was valid before, doesn’t mean the same holds true now.  Reality changes without notice and without warning, so it’s best to check in occasionally.

 Having a good grasp on reality is a powerful thing… Only when one is fully aware of their reality can they take action to mold or change it.  ~ J

Everyone Loves Boobs

Over the past couple years, confirmed after a recent outing with a bunch of fab ladies it is undeniable… Everyone loves boobs.  Like small (and not so small) spherical planets, we are drawn to them.  Men, woman, children…for different reasons and in difference  ways, everyone has an opinion and appreciation. Guys ogle over them, woman often enhance them, but there is certainly something appealing about a nice rack.

From Mardi Gras to the  “Wet T-shirt Contest”… even restaurants were created with breasts as their cornerstone (and I’m not just talk ‘in chicken). Boob jobs have become more commonplace by not just the rich and famous but by the everyday woman, and every bra manufacturer is on the quest to create the perfect bra that enhances the bust line beautifully.    

Growing up I had no idea the immense power boobs had.  I wasn’t an early bloomer.  I was average size… until the last year or so of high school when I gained a little weight and a disproportionate amount went to the chest area.  Boys started to talk to me more, sometimes directly about my recent “developments”.  This parlayed into college and my first jobs. At times I actually resented my ampleness… I was often characterized by my appearance, as many of us are, and I found that to many “more boobs = less brains”.

In the last few years I have really started to appreciate what I have, my DDs included.  It seems this change coincides with the underlying shift in society… a shift where women seem to be much more accepting of one another and bonding together to “Save the Tatas”.  Boobs are not the end-all-be-all, but I have to say…whether big, small, fake, real…they are pretty great.

~J

I Miss 4th Grade…

Taking the time to take an introspective look at one’s self, even a brief analysis, is important.  It’s a time to reassess, regroup, rethink, and reflect.  It can be fascinating to see the long journey we have made to the here and now.  I generally happen upon these moments of inner reflection when I am restless, conflicted, or confused.  When I cannot find my answer outward I must look inward as this is often where many answers lie.  These are often times of growth and the growing pains can sometimes be rather painful on the psyche, or they are those “Ah-ha!” instances where connections are made.  It was during one of these moments that I realized that much of my life in general could be explained by lessons and observations from, well, 4th grade.  It was an amazing year full of boys, music, and discovery… and little did I know I was learning so much…

  • Proper accessorizing is crucial.

4th grade was the year I got my ears pierced (for an ‘A’ in Spelling, thank you very much!). I was so excited, but then this was when people only pierced their ears and not every possible part of their body.  I was not allowed yet to wear makeup, so I was enthralled with painting my nails, finding cute earrings (that weren’t too big lest they be taken away or too cheap that I got an infection), and making bobby pin beaded adornments for my sneakers. 

  • It’s nice to kiss and hold hands.

Sometimes it’s not all about the heated sultry moments (don’t get me wrong, those are good too), but sometimes a good kiss, holding hands, a hug or cuddle can be highly appreciated.  Back then, a kiss could send me over the moon… and even now, a good kiss can still rock my world.

  • When someone teases you that could really mean they like you…

If someone takes time repeatedly to interact with you, there’s a reason. Think about it…

  • Music is magical.

I remember singing in music class, belting out tunes at recess, and associating fond memories of Spring Break to certain songs on the radio at that time.  Music still plays a large part in my life and has the power to transport me to different moments in time to feel those emotions once again.

  • Try new things!

I distinctly remember the teacher decided to have a day where everyone brought in something unusual to eat.  Someone brought in pigs brains.  Yes, pig brains.  If I remember correctly they were seasoned and lightly battered, floured, and sautéed… and they were excellent.  Everyone liked them but no one wanted to admit they liked pig brains, so we sneaked up to the table for seconds when we thought no one else was looking.

  • Just because it’s hard to believe doesn’t mean it’s not true – keep an open mind!

It was in 4th grade that Kara told me about sex.  I remember is vividly. It was a lovely spring day and we were at recess. She tried to explain using hand gestures and as few words as possible (then again who knows if she or I actually knew all the terminology at that time to properly describe the act).  Anyway, I called her a damn liar.  I noted the information but dismissed it for the most part as completely absurd.  Little did I know she was absolutely right…

  • Take joy in the little things.

Whether it is a beautiful day spent outside, a quick kiss, a juicy secret from a friend, or a fab PB&J sandwich, it is the little things that can make each day amazing. Savor those moments…they happen more often than you think!

‘Flaky’ Should Be a 4-Letter Word

Flaky

flak·y [fley-kee]   –adjective,flak·i·er, flak·i·est.
1. of or like flakes. 
2. lying or cleaving off in flakes or layers.
3. Slang. eccentric; wacky; dizzy: a flaky math professor.
(Source: www.dictionary.com)

 Wacky? Dizzy? They forgot “pain in the ass”, “frustrating”, “unreliable”, “whiny”, “wishy-washy” and “utterly obnoxious”.  I seem to have a propensity to attract these types of individuals…those that are always ‘iffy’ on plans, never show up, bail at the last minute with some lame ass excuse, or change plans on you will little to no notice.  Call me crazy (but not flaky) but is it too much to expect people to plan in advance and stick to the plan or not feed me some malarkey at the last moment as to why they cannot follow through?  Why is the last moment seem to be the only opportune time to relay that plans have changed, especially when the plans were made days/weeks/months in advance?  Additionally there are those that say they will do something and never do, or those who are unable to communicate because they are so busy (i.e. “I forgot”, “I don’t care enough”, or “I am full of crap”). There are the repeated excuses, empty promises for the future, but time comes and goes without any progress.  There could be a number of reasons… Laziness?  Lack of commitment?  Poor time management skills? Inability to manage ones schedule?  It’s hard to say, but frustrating as hell.

 Perhaps though, since I seem to deal with so many flaky individuals, it begs the question…Is it me?  Am I part of the problem? 

Perhaps I am too agreeable, too nice when I deal with these individuals?  Maybe I should be more firm and let them know this is unacceptable?  More than likely I do not want to ‘rock the boat’ or upset my friend(s), but if this behavior is continuous, are they really a true friend?  I consider a friend someone I can count on, especially when the going gets tough….perhaps that is why I have so few, but those I have are incredible.

So, if you are one of the perpetrators of this heinous crime of being flaky, take heed.  I will no longer be accepting your lame-ass excuses and last minute changes to the agreed upon plans (unless they are necessary or an improvement, then we’ll see).  If you want to whine, go to your mamma… if you want a good friend who will be dependable, keep promises, and do what they say they are going to do (unless a truly reasonable and understandable conflict arises), then come see me.

 

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